Here we go.

I am in such a bad mood today-- and not because I am eating differently, if anything that is a bright spot in the day so far. I am trying to be in a good mood. For the past 3 days, I've been so grouchy. Miserable in all actuality. Not sure what the deal is-- I'm trying to get past it.

I am really disgusted with myself. I fell like such a slob. We did starting photos last night. I can't believe I look like I do. I'll be changing that. This I know. I wish I could know if this time is going to be the last time that I start my new eating pattern. It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I just feel so gross today. I have a headache and am tired. I really do not feel well mentally. I am disappointed in what I've done to myself. I know it can be fixed and that's exactly what I am here to accomplish now. I just wish I was in a better mood!

I've had 2 people call off the first day of 2009 which is just great, Jeremy called and said my son lost our Treadmill key, and I can see myself in a glass panel outside my office and I am not liking what I see. I don't have PMS either. UGH. I hope this day gets better.

I had a 90 calorie breakfast bar and a K20 protein water for breakfast. For lunch I have a turkey sandwich, Special K Crackers and a sugar free Jello. I am going to try and down some water additionally, after my conference call at 10:00am. If I do this now, I'll be very uncomfortable during my call. Given the mood that I am presently in, I don't think that will be a wise thing.

I've got to channel my anger into the positive things that are surrounding me right now.

For Dinner, I plan to have Salsa Chicken-- I love this dish. and I'll do a snack of some sort, probably popcorn tonight.

I think I will probably look for some recipes today. I have a lot of them, but I am trying to keep everything organized so things could be easy for me-- I am removing as many obstacles as possible in order to make this time the last time I start this. I weighed in. 237. That is HORRIBLE. Not my highest, but when I look back and realize that maybe 8 months ago I was 208--- Doesn't take a brain scientist to know that I've gained back almost 30 lbs of that loss. I have a plan. It's a good plan, it's worked before, and I know it WILL work this time. I feel ready for this. I want to be pretty again. I want to be in clothes that make me feel good. I want to look better. Because I don't look good now. You know how you vision yourself in your own head, you're cool and hip and trendy and popular, and thin! I am so far from those things. I know that overweight people can and are successful ( I think I am one of them) but I just wonder what opportunities are being blocked due to how I look? I am over this crap. I have got to get back on the track of health and I am doing it now.

Here's hoping tomorrows post will be a little more uplifiting and positive!