And not with food... which is good. I'm highly stressed at work. I decided to finally take a breather/lunch break (It's now 3:07pm) hell, its almost time for dinner. I'm so glad I have a place to vent. I feel like a tornado hit my desk and my head is still lying somewhere where the tornado dropped it. UGH. SIGH. BLAH. FUCK. This is how I feel.
I am very happy it is Friday although, I don't figure I'll get much R&R this weekend. I have some "family" issues that I must deal with, involving hubbys 11 year old. UGH SIGH BLAH FUCK on that too. I just want to go home, do my own damn thing for once in my life. I feel like I've got to go here or there or over there or out there or around there of what the hell ever. Can you tell I'm in a bad mood. I've DEFINITELY got PMS.
On a nicer note. I am down a couple pounds. Which is nice. Still not happening quick enough for me but Oh well. If I'd just get off my ass a little more maybe it would. Now there's a concept.
I don't even know why I'm in such a bad mood. I just am. I feel so gross today because my hair lookslike shit and its hanging in my eyes-- probably because I've been sitting here with my hands on my head, banging it off my desk in sheer frusturation. Just kidding. I have had my hands on my head though in like the OMG type holds. You know what I'm talking about. The pose where you're sitting somewhere, and either just read something or heard something and you push your hair back and your eyes go with it along with the forehead skin and you look like a moron while you say out loud. NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO. Yeah, that one.
I'm in rare form today, I just can't help it. Its who I am. I also feel like not going anywhere tonight but I freakin have to. I just wish for one weekend in my life, I could just do what I want. really, truly and honestly. However aside from these occasional bouts of being in a bad mood (1 X a month for about 3 days) I am a pretty happy person, willing to do just about anything. And being that I don't know exactly when these bad moods will precisely hit, Its hard to make plans based on all of that. I probably don't make any sense here. Oh well. The conversation I'm having in my head with myself understands.
I'm trying to get out of this mood. I'm also hungry-- didn't have the chance to eat lunch today. If I eat now, it will mess up the dinner plans Jeremy has for me. SO I wait. I did eat a Sugar free pudding for 40 cals and a lifesaver orange mint. NOw that's lunch. Normally I'm a very balanced and healthy eater but no time today. Oh well. I'm having a big fat ass grilled chicken salad tonight at dinner. No bread, no nothing just a fucking salad. And that's all I want too.
One more note. I had my boobs weighed yesterday-- I had this done once before-- its a suspension weight so it doesnt affect the trunk and limbs of your body. Basically you put your boobs on a shelf, which is a scale and it weighs them one at a time and collectively. You can also have them "held" if you will and get on the scale although that's less accurate. My boobs weigh 18lbs. Thats fucked up. I have it done because of possible reduction surgery in the future and I need to document the weight changes as I lose weight to prove that my boobs won't freakin shrink even with weight loss I guess.
Anyway, I guess my time is up need to take a client call. And I have to pee. So I'll catch ya on the other side of tomorrow.
Outtie..
G
4 comments:
Oh hon, sounds like you need a little (or a lot) you time, which you are so completely entitled to take! And BTW, I totally understand what you're saying about how you're feeling, believe me!
Damn girl, them are some tig ol' bitties! (as my brother would so eloquently say)
Anyway, hang in there hon, this day will be over... eventaully. Seriously though, find a way to make yourself a priority, and I don't just mean about diet and exercise. You need a breather, but only you can make that happen. You can't have what you don't ask for.
Have a great weekend!
Beverly
Hey there, Gretchen girl! Hope you're feeling a little better today, that the salad was tasty and satisfying, and that you enjoyed the evening of your birthday, anyway! :)
I am so happy you're doing well with your weight loss -- hey I saw that it's 14 pounds so far -- that's AWESOME!!!
Here's the latest with me: I get my stem cells collected this week, then it's on to 2 1/2 weeks of radiation beginning the next, and then 10/12 I'll go into the hospital for a month. I'll have 6 days of high dose chemo, a day off, and then 10/17 will be my second birthday! (Transplant day -- the great "do-over!")
I'm sorry things are fraught at home, Gretchen. I know that you're strong enough and smart enough to get through anything. As they say, "this too shall pass" but I'm really sorry it's hard now.
Hey there, Gretchen girl! Hope you're feeling a little better today, that the salad was tasty and satisfying, and that you enjoyed the evening of your birthday, anyway! :)
I am so happy you're doing well with your weight loss -- hey I saw that it's 14 pounds so far -- that's AWESOME!!!
Here's the latest with me: I get my stem cells collected this week, then it's on to 2 1/2 weeks of radiation beginning the next, and then 10/12 I'll go into the hospital for a month. I'll have 6 days of high dose chemo, a day off, and then 10/17 will be my second birthday! (Transplant day -- the great "do-over!")
I'm sorry things are fraught at home, Gretchen. I know that you're strong enough and smart enough to get through anything. As they say, "this too shall pass" but I'm really sorry it's hard now.
Oh! Forgot to tell you that I totally understand the boob thing. I weighed 107 pounds when I had my breast reduction -- and I had 6 pounds removed before I ended up with a 34C. I believe you'll definitely end up with smaller boobs 80-90 pounds from now -- but only you will know if they still cause you discomfort. How were they when you lost weight before?
I would recommend without hesitation the surgery to anyone who really needs it -- but it's definitely a big decision -- lots of pain, godawful scars, the risk of losing all sensation in your nipples as well as an ability to breastfeed, and a healing process of several weeks. That said, I do not regret having my surgery.
If you want any more info on my experience, do a search on 3FC and you'll see my post detailing the procedure....or you can just ask me! :)
Regardless, I'm so proud of you I could just burst, and I'm rooting for you all the way.
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