My mind is playing tricks on me again. This time, my mind is telling me to eat that candy sitting on the table. It's telling me that the pizza place down the street is running a special every night and that I should go get some. It's telling me that I'm much better off fat.
I know its not right. But it is what is going through my mind on a daily basis. I have not regained any of the weight lost in recent months, however, time passes, and I continue to not lose. I can't get my hands around the fact that I am not going to get skinny by letting my mind play these tricks on me.
I desperately need to be on plan 100% I desperately need to lose the weight. I don't know what is stopping me. I guess I do know... I am stopping me. I'm in I'm out, I'm up, I'm down. I want to do it, I don't want to do it. I look for reasons to be happy with myself instead of looking for the reasons to get this weight off and improve my life.
I'm not asking for a miracle, I'm asking for the will and determination to return to my mind so that I can move forward, in a healthy, and true way.
I am fat, I am really fat. I am an obese, morbidly obese woman. Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it will eventually sink in. I know what I am, I know what I need to be, I know how to get there and I know that I am blocked by the wrong mindset right now.
I want to stop this maddness, I need to pick up a vegetable and not a piece of chocolate. I should drink water and not soda.
Why can I tell myself what to do and ignore my very commands.
I just want to be healthy.
2 comments:
Gretchen, I'm glad you blogged again. I was getting worried about you. It sounds like you're not in a good place right now. I hope you'll come back to 3FC to get some support. People so often just post when they're doing well and quit posting when they're not doing so well (I'm guilty of that, too). I hope that you'll come back and let us show you that we can support you during the hard times as well as the good times.
Sheila
I've been worried about you too. Believe me, I understand where you are right now. And it's not gonna just go away on its own. You're not gonna magically snap out of it and get back to business. You have to stop making it okay to let yourself get away with this stuff. You know what you want, you know what you have to do to get it. Now comes the committment part. Honestly hon, what's it worth to you?
Don't trade what you want at the moment for what you want the most.
(((hugs)))
Beverly
Post a Comment